What to ask yourself when preparing for postpartum?
If you're like most expecting parents, you've probably spent hours researching the perfect stroller, debating between baby monitors, and building a registry full of adorable onesies. And while it’s fun and there's nothing wrong with that, let’s shift your focus for a moment.
Your newborn doesn't need the latest high-tech gadget or a perfectly decorated nursery. What they need is you. Present, responsive, and as rested as possible. And what you need is a plan that goes beyond the gear.
Many parents tell me their second (or third!) postpartum experience felt easier, not because they had better equipment, but because they knew what to expect and how to prepare themselves. That's what we're going to explore today. The questions that will help you create a postpartum plan centered on what truly matters.
How Will You Take Care of Yourself?
Let's start with you, because you can't pour from an empty cup.
You are about to do something incredible. After birth, you’ll need time to heal, rest, and restore. So ask yourself:
What's my plan for rest and nourishment? Not just in theory, but practically. Who will prepare meals? Can you batch cook and freeze some favorites now? Will you set up a meal train with friends? And rest, real rest, what does that look like for you? Can you stay in bed for a week? 2 weeks? A month? If so, who's handling the dishes, laundry, and other daily tasks?
What is my definition of a productive day? Do you have a clear picture of it? Good. Now, cross it out and rethink it completely. In the postpartum period, a productive day might look like: you fed your baby, you fed yourself, you maybe took a shower, and you rested when you could. That's it. That's the list. Those snuggly, newborn days pass faster than you can imagine. Your baby won't remember the neat house and folded clothes, but they will benefit immensely from a present, calm parent who isn't trying to do it all.
How will I handle sleep deprivation? Will you and your partner take turns? Can you stretch your sleeping hours? Will you plan for daytime naps? Having a strategy now will help when you're in the thick of those sleepless nights.
What are my expectations around "bouncing back"? Diet culture and social media can make us feel like we should be back to "normal" immediately. But your body just grew and birthed a human. It deserves grace, time, and patience. The more realistic your expectations, the kinder you can be to yourself. Also, the transformation from independent adult to responsible parent is profound. Your brain is literally rewiring itself. Your life changes forever, your perspective shifts. There’s no going back. You are evolving. And that’s beautiful.
How Will You Answer Your Baby’s Needs?
Here's where we talk about your little one's reality check.
Your baby will need lots of physical contact. They just spent 9 months tucked safely inside, hearing your heartbeat constantly. They're biologically wired to want to be close to you, 24/7. Are you comfortable with that level of contact? What strategy can you put in place for answering their needs without losing your sanity? What will you do when you need a break?
Your baby will cry, it's part of how they communicate. They're not manipulating you or trying to be difficult. They're brand new to this world, and everything is new: sounds, sensations, even the feeling of air on their skin or the experience of pooping! They can't regulate themselves yet; they need you to help them figure out what’s going on and learn that what they're experiencing is safe. This takes consistency, patience, and time. How will you handle those times? What would you need to regulate yourself when you are overwhelmed?
Your baby won't have a schedule at first. Many newborns just eat, sleep and poop whenever they feel like it and they often have their days and nights mixed up. They can sleep for 30min then 3 hours, eat for 1h, then 10min and be fully awake at 2am. How comfortable are you with not having a routine and not knowing how the rest of the day/night is going to unfold? Whether you choose to sleep train (not recommended before 4 months old) or not, know that all this is completely normal and expected and that this, too, will pass.
How Will You Attend to Your Relationship?
Let's be real: having a baby changes your relationship. You're both learning new roles, running on little sleep, and probably approaching certain parenting decisions differently. Mix in postpartum hormones and the intense responsibility of keeping alive the tiny human you love more than you ever imagined possible, and you've got a recipe for tension. Awareness, grace and communication are key!
Start with the topics you feel strongly about. Those might require long, deep conversations, maybe some research and better to do that while you still have the time and energy! Here is a start. Make this list your own!
Where will baby sleep?
What boundaries should we have for family and friends?
What kind of support do we need from each other to feel like a team?
How are you going to handle disagreement? Even with all your planning and communication ahead of time, there will be points of friction you haven’t seen coming, due to different needs, frustration and stress levels to name a few. How will you navigate those conversations? How will you repair when disconnection happens?
Leave room for trials, errors and reassessments. It's okay (expected, even!) for your answers to change once baby is here. As one says, "Before I had principles; now I have kids." Give yourselves space to adjust, communicate, and rediscover each other as you evolve into this new phase.
Where Are Your Support People?
"It takes a village" isn't just a cute saying. It’s ancient wisdom! We are social beings and we are not meant to parent alone!
But first: How comfortable are you with asking for help? If you're someone who prides themselves on hard work and independence (no judgment, I'm right here with you!), this is your gentle reminder that postpartum is the time to set that aside. You're growing and nurturing life. You have nothing to prove to anyone, including yourself. So sit back, and relax (kind of 😊).
Where can I ask for help if needed? Right now, before you're sleep-deprived and navigating the intensity of new parenthood, create your support network. Not just names, but specific tasks each person can help with. Who would you call to cheer you up? Who would be comfortable helping with chores? Who would gladly cook you a meal? Make your list now. Yes, a real list that doesn’t live only in your head. Here is a start:
Meal preparation and delivery
Holding baby while you shower or nap
Emotional support and adult conversation
Household tasks like vacuuming or laundry
Consider having contact information ready for professionals too, like lactation consultants, postpartum doulas, therapists, local parent support groups, to name a few.
It's so much easier to have these resources identified before you're in the thick of it. If you don’t need it, great! If you do, your postpartum self will thank you immensely.
The Take Away
As you prepare for postpartum, I encourage you to create a postpartum plan. Yes, a plan for after birth. Write down your priorities, your realistic expectations, your support people. Talk through the hard topics with your partner. Research the professionals you might need.
And then? Be flexible. Hold your plans loosely, knowing that your baby will teach you what they need, and you'll figure it out together.
You're doing something extraordinary. You don't need the fanciest gear to do it well. You just need preparation, support, and the willingness to be present for yourself, your partner and your baby.
You've got this. And if you need support navigating this journey, that's exactly what I'm here for.
Love and strength to you!
Ready to create your personalized postpartum plan? Let's talk about how birth and postpartum doula support can help you feel confident and prepared for this transition.
